tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-85103058860868853042024-03-05T14:16:26.155-08:00To waste your goddamn timeBrucehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05747510530593570424noreply@blogger.comBlogger99125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8510305886086885304.post-34471501511476164852015-01-15T22:19:00.000-08:002015-01-15T22:19:08.210-08:00Forget the new IPhone 6, get an AK-47People are lining up to get the new IPhone 6. I'm not going to do it. I don't even line up for restaurants. I'm not sure why everyone rushing to get one of these phones. It's almost the same as the previous versions. Personally, I'd rather get an AK-47 than a new phone. I think it's more useful in the world we live in. I'm going to list the pros and cons of each and you decide.<br />
<br />
<br />
Iphone 6<br />
<br />
Pros:<br />
Larger (feel better when shoved in your ass due to more girth)<br />
Expensive (good for our economy)<br />
Can be used to dial 911 in case someone tries to gaybash you.<br />
<br />
<br />
Cons:<br />
Larger (may tear your anus when shoved in your ass due to more girth)<br />
Gay<br />
Expensive<br />
Useless<br />
Will be outdated when the newer model comes out next week<br />
Can't protect you during a robbery<br />
Won't ever appreciate in value<br />
Signals to others you are a homosexual and are open to homosexual advances<br />
Dialing and Texting is still subpar when compared to a phone with buttons<br />
<br />
<br />
AK-47<br />
<br />
Pros:<br />
Can be used to defend yourself, your family and people you care about<br />
Will appreciate in value over time<br />
Can be used to rob people of their Iphones( I would advise against this because people may think you're gay for wanting one)<br />
Works even if you put it in water, leave it in the sand, throw it around and generally beat the shit out of it.<br />
If you own one of these, no one will ever think you're a fag<br />
No one will ever try to gaybash you if you have one of these so there's no need to dial 911<br />
If you have a gun, you don't need to call or text anyone. Let the gun do the talking<br />
<br />Brucehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05747510530593570424noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8510305886086885304.post-20949667846756534542015-01-15T22:17:00.003-08:002015-01-15T22:17:29.991-08:00You can't spell Rape without IndiaFor some reason guys in India love to rape. Single rape, gang rape, goat rape, cow rape, ass rape, rape plus torture, rape plus murder, rape plus rape. They just love raping. This really makes the country look bad because most of the world think of all Indian men as creepy, ugly, dirty, smelly, rude, perverted rapists. This isn't true. Only about 80% of them are. So India needs a new marketing campaign to change their image in the world. Now, it's tough to change someones mind about a place. I don't care how much money they put into promoting their country, I'm still going to consider Indians dirty rapists.<br />
<br />
Since it's almost impossible to change someone's mind once it's made up, why not just take the stigma of being a rape free-for-all country and run with it? Market it, sell it to the world. Promote the fuck out of it! Instead of India: Rape Capital of the world. We'll call it a, "Rape Destination". That's right. Come here if you want to get raped by creepy smelly brown men. Your dreams come true. Rape vacation. Girls gone wild. You get to enjoy guilt-free sex with strangers, for free. Sometimes multiple times a day. Sometimes multiple times walking down the same street. Hey, it's not your fault. You didn't consent to it.<br />
<br />
Think of how much fun you'll have. You'll never know when it's coming. It's part of the suspense. Hey, is that fruit seller on the corner whose been is eyeing you going to knock you unconscious and affectionately take your belongings from you? Or how about the three men in dark business suits talking on their phone by the corner cafe? You do love men in suits, don't you? They are tall, dark and possibly handsome (most likely not, but they're surely dark).<br />
<br />
So India should really think about my idea. Forget about trying to turn that shit-hole country around and trying to become civilized. Make it into a destination type country. Men visit Ukraine for the abundance of prostitutes, Thailand for the lady boys and Mexico for the donkey sex shows. It's about time women have a place to visit to fulfill their desires and India could be that place. India: Rape Destination of the World. Come and get it.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Brucehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05747510530593570424noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8510305886086885304.post-3240471932195048482014-09-05T00:22:00.001-07:002014-09-05T00:26:09.206-07:00Business ideas. What could go wrong?I work 9 to 6 and I hate it. I gotta put up with unoriginal shit in the office all day long. Sometimes I go to the bathroom and pretend to take a crap just to get away from it all. Other times I eat a bunch of lousy Mexican food the night before so the next day I could go to the bathroom and really take a crap just to get away from it all.<br />
<br />
If I quit my job and find employment elsewhere, I'll just end up putting up with unoriginal shit all day long in another office. Same nonsense, different building.<br />
<br />
So I'm thinking about going into business. I had a few ideas, but most of them don't seem plausible because I'm sort of lazy and unmotivated. But there's this one idea I think may work. It's a good service that some people can use.<br />
<br />
The idea goes like this. I'm going to offer a service to business owners who want to get rid of local competition. What will happen is, my client will pay me a, "marketing fee" or, "consulting fee" and I will put his chosen competition out of business by strategically placing, "undesirables" inside their restaurant or place of business. By undesirables I mean blacks and Mexicans.<br />
<br />
For example: prime time for any restaurant is usually 6:00pm every night of the week. I will bring my group of undesirables and flood the whole restaurant and take up all the tables. They will order the cheapest item on the menu along with a nice inexpensive(free) glass of water and chit chat for two hours or more. This will effectively cause the targeted restaurant to make very little money for that night and every night because all the tables are taken up.<br />
<br />
Can the restaurant refuse service? Sure they can. But if they do, they're racist!!! What? You don't want to serve blacks or Mexicans? You hate minorities? I'll call the motherfucking NAACP and the news media will pick this shit up immediately because the U.S media loves this stuff. They love stirring up racial tensions, but that's another story.<br />
<br />
Sounds pretty cruel, right? Sure, but in this economy you gotta do what you can to survive. Now to show that I'm not that big of prick, I will offer the restaurant owner whom I've been paid to target a chance to stop it all. They can pay me a, "marketing fee" or, "consulting fee" and the undesirables will stop coming in. Hell, if they pay me enough of a, "fee" maybe I'll turn my undesirables back onto the original client who paid me to do all this.<br />
<br />
It's a win-win business idea. The blacks and Mexicans get to enjoy a good meal, I get paid a lot of money and the business owners get to enjoy a little diversity. Everyone wins!
Brucehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05747510530593570424noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8510305886086885304.post-68631538991581070812013-12-30T00:20:00.000-08:002013-12-30T00:20:10.044-08:00OmakaseFor those who don't know, Omakase is Japanese for, "I'll leave it to you". It is usually a style of ordering at Sushi restaurants. You tell the sushi chef you want Omakase and they make you what they think you should eat.
A lot of people like this shit, but I think it's for dickheads. Why would I leave it up to the chef to pick what I eat? What if the chef was a faggot and preferred to eat a lot cock fish? He'll be serving that to me all night. I don't want that. No one would. And besides, this is America. Americans like to choose what they eat. What if I wanted a chicken fried steak? Is the chef going to serve me some chicken fried steak in his Omakase menu? He better because in America the customer is always right. Brucehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05747510530593570424noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8510305886086885304.post-83143562828603323392012-02-17T22:19:00.001-08:002012-02-17T22:19:50.893-08:00I've always wanted to fuck an Indian broad. Not really attracted to them, just wanna try it before they go extinct.Brucehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05747510530593570424noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8510305886086885304.post-69208961690640777932012-02-04T23:35:00.000-08:002012-02-04T23:36:38.746-08:00I just can't tellDon't you just hate it when you see someone on the street and don't know if it's a pretty looking man or an ugly looking woman?<br /><br />I sure do. Makes me question my sexuality when I'm masturbating to him/her that following night.Brucehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05747510530593570424noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8510305886086885304.post-64585746753532320562012-02-02T22:07:00.000-08:002012-02-02T22:10:45.244-08:00GPS for the car can save you time, but it can even save your life.Having a GPS is useful. Being able to turn on the, "avoid toll roads, high ways or scenic route" is also pretty useful.<br /><br />You know what would be even more useful? Having the option to turn on the, "avoid black neighborhoods" option. I'm sure most people would cry about this being racist, but most people would also wish they had this on their GPS when they're lost at night in an area of town they're not familiar with.<br /><br />If you don't agree with me, then you're racist.Brucehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05747510530593570424noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8510305886086885304.post-48946425945244233822011-07-29T11:18:00.000-07:002011-07-29T11:23:09.960-07:00FacebookThe reason I don't have any black friends on facebook is because I don't want to offend them when I greet someone with the customary, "sup nigga"Brucehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05747510530593570424noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8510305886086885304.post-1836071755562166022011-03-13T22:44:00.000-07:002011-03-13T22:45:52.489-07:00Half price Wednesdays on all appetizers for holocaust survivors.Must show proof. Also, no Jews allowed.Brucehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05747510530593570424noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8510305886086885304.post-51090388960257248452011-01-11T21:35:00.000-08:002011-01-11T21:37:42.589-08:00Hate it when this happens.Guy: Gross! Theres a pubic hair in my salad!<br /><br />Guy 2: How do you know it's a pubic hair?<br /><br />Guy: Because the salad dressing tastes like cum, derrrr!Brucehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05747510530593570424noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8510305886086885304.post-27223535916994430122010-08-30T18:34:00.000-07:002010-08-30T18:58:47.723-07:00Eat dogs vs keeping dogs as petsMost of the world consider the act of eating dog an atrocious act. People believe dogs shouldn't be eaten because they're man's best friend and that they're, "cute". I say fuck most of the world. Dog's are animals just like pigs and cows. Infact they're even noisier than pigs and cows. The whole argument about them being cute is subjective. I think hamsters are cute, but I'd soon enough stomp on one and eat it if I were hungry. <br /><br />A lot of people think the act of eating dog meat is cruel. They think dogs shouldn't be eaten and people who eat dogs are barbaric. I don't think it is. I think the act of taking a dog and dressing it and having it sit around in a woman's stupid purse is barbaric. The act of neutering a dog and dressing it up in some stupid dog shirt is cruel. Keeping a dog locked up in a house just so the owner can come home and play with the dog is cruel. Dog's are living animals. They weren't put on this planet so dumbass hippie communist faggot liberal douchebags can keep them as pets instead of having children of their own. <br /><br />Eating dogs vs. keeping dogs as pets. What's more cruel? Keeping them as pets. People eat dogs because they're animals. People keep dogs as pets because these people are fucked in the head and have a superiority complex. Dogs are animals. If they had the chance they would eat you and your children.Brucehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05747510530593570424noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8510305886086885304.post-71321953962693863092010-07-29T13:48:00.000-07:002010-07-29T23:43:26.610-07:00Lessons from Wal-MartA few things I've picked up during my many trips to Wal-Mart<br /><br />1. Fuck society<br /><br />Wal-Mart is a great place to get a glimpse of society. You got your single mothers with five kids, the fat broad in a motorized wheel chair, the forty five year old ineffective guy who works in kitchen appliances and Mexicans. And this is California Wal-Mart. Imagine Wal-Marts in Arkanasas or South Carolina. It's probably even worse, except substitute Mexicans for Blacks. <br /><br />2. Things you thought were cheap elsewhere are cheaper at Wal-Mart.<br /><br />Pair of jeans: $9.00. T-shirt, $3.00. Problem with this is we're conditioned to expect these prices and it cannot sustain unless we keep exporting our jobs to Chinaman and Mexicans. <br /><br />3. Even retarded people can get jobs in America<br /><br />Wal-Mart is notorious for hiring fatties, fags, retards, cripples, the elderly and generally ineffective people. Took this fat bitch named, "Peggy" about twenty minutes to check out four customers at the cash register. She looked like the old fat gypsie lady in the Poltergeist. <br /><br />4. People are dangerous in large groups. Even stupid people.<br /><br />People can be incited to riot, stampeed, murder and fight for things on sale. <br />Wal-Mart has proven this many times during black friday sales. Best course of action would be to avoid these places during shopping season, which brings me to my next point.<br /><br />5. Fuck shopping season. <br /><br />I believe people should give gifts if they feel like giving gifts. If you don't receive a gift from me during Christmas or your birthday it means I either forgot or I don't care enough to buy you a gift. <br /><br />6. Theres no reason to complain to management.<br /><br />Reason is, management is just as ineffective as the useless people working the cashiers. Everybody at that store probably eats a lot of white bread and drink a lot of sunny delight. What a bunch of slobs. <br /><br />7. Don't chase broads, because they're everywhere.<br /><br />Everytime at Wal-Mart I've noticed there is ass everywhere. Kitchen appliances, toy section, women's clothing, men's clothing, adult diaper section, tires and gardening. They're everywhere. You got young ass, middle-aged ass, slutty ass, conservative dressed ass, ass with four children, ass there to steal shit, ass there because theres a sale on tampons, ass there because she needs a summer job to pay off her abortion she just had. Now of course there are some not so nice looking broads there, too so you'll have to do some sorting. <br /><br />8. Theres no reason to travel to middle America<br /><br />Just go to Wal-Mart. My god I have never seen so many ugly people in an area in my life.Brucehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05747510530593570424noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8510305886086885304.post-85926975112255653052010-07-22T22:41:00.000-07:002010-07-22T22:44:05.534-07:00A little bit of adviceIf a friend or family of yours suffers a loss of someone in their life, don't give them a pistol and bottle of vodka as a, "my condolences" present when you attend the funeral.Brucehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05747510530593570424noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8510305886086885304.post-74942894459401335492010-07-22T19:12:00.001-07:002010-07-22T19:12:45.299-07:00Christmas giftsI might get my uncle a dog for Christmas. He's single, lonely and not flexible enough to lick his own balls.Brucehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05747510530593570424noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8510305886086885304.post-86301833529143577742010-07-22T16:54:00.000-07:002010-07-22T16:56:13.148-07:00Theres nothing wrong with rap music.I'm tired of people blaming rap music for influencing young kids. Rap music doesn't make me violent. It doesn't make me want to sell crack. It does however make me vote republican.Brucehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05747510530593570424noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8510305886086885304.post-29194280243613768002010-07-19T22:22:00.001-07:002010-07-19T22:23:34.572-07:00Property value during a recession.What starts with N and ends with R and it's something you never want to call a black person?<br /><br />NeighborBrucehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05747510530593570424noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8510305886086885304.post-61409247433990558052010-07-15T17:50:00.001-07:002010-07-15T17:50:52.683-07:00Violence solves everything.Fuck Ghandi and his peaceful protests. The only reason the British left India was not because of the peaceful protests, but because of the smell there. Indians smell like shit. Only redeeming quality about Ghandi was he used to beat his wife.Brucehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05747510530593570424noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8510305886086885304.post-57741645914169230142010-07-12T18:49:00.001-07:002010-07-12T18:54:36.334-07:00Why god doesn't exist.God didn't make us in his image because I doubt god wanted his balls so vulnerable to being kicked.Brucehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05747510530593570424noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8510305886086885304.post-70288107281979068232010-06-27T22:54:00.001-07:002010-06-27T22:57:43.168-07:00The automatic win card if you're a liberalSamantha: I drive a VW Jetta, shop at trader joes and majored in women's studies<br />Cameron: So what? I have a macbook pro, I voted for obama and I'm a vegetarian. <br />Brody: My brother is dating a black man.Brucehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05747510530593570424noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8510305886086885304.post-63958351225139928102010-06-13T23:06:00.000-07:002010-06-13T23:11:56.021-07:00The holy roman empire in lower case on purpose.Romans were gay and incestrous. The whole gay thing came about because during Roman times women were considered inferior to men. A man couldn't love a woman as much as he could another man because women were inferior. That I can undertand. She's inferior. She shouldn't be seen in public and shouldn't leave the kitchen. I can respect that. What I don't understand is why they had to take the extra step and have sex with other men. They could have just sat around the table and talk shit about women over a round of beers. Then afterwards go home to the wife and pound her in the ass. Instead these Romans sat around the table talking about women then went home with each other and pounded each other in the ass. <br /><br />Then theres this incest issue. Were there a lack of women in Roman times? Probably not. There were probably more women than men because all of the men were killed in battle. That and the Romans can take the bitches from their conquered enemies. But that's not the Roman way. The Roman way is to love your fellow man and have sex with their own sisters. What a bunch of assholes.Brucehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05747510530593570424noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8510305886086885304.post-47062042545243007062010-06-12T20:37:00.001-07:002010-06-12T20:37:45.158-07:00June 12, 2010I'm sorry, but people who apologize before making a comment are fucking gay.Brucehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05747510530593570424noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8510305886086885304.post-40183766456674833072010-05-30T03:26:00.000-07:002010-05-30T03:28:59.432-07:00Brokeback MountainThe problem with this movie is that it goes too fast. It goes from being a cowboy movie to gay porn without any warning. One minute they're both sleeping in a tent because it's cold outside, next minute they're having butt-sex. I would appreciate a warning next time. Maybe some foreplay. Wheres the romance?Brucehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05747510530593570424noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8510305886086885304.post-46925539309177079702010-05-24T21:42:00.000-07:002010-05-24T21:54:23.162-07:00Dealiest Warrior: Japanese Kamikaze vs Arab suicide bomber<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbaoQ-dlpcXgggahHMxGoN13cLF5cXb2yB_9AuIR8wCZF2Gs31gXVlfp1mSEZO1f4Alq8fdPFZQiHqRetFgux2tBBJ0OLF8cqGwbiy1PtlYMT5gMBuK1rAENACFSX0u6euaY8nxYFm5eZj/s1600/suicide%2520bomber.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 158px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbaoQ-dlpcXgggahHMxGoN13cLF5cXb2yB_9AuIR8wCZF2Gs31gXVlfp1mSEZO1f4Alq8fdPFZQiHqRetFgux2tBBJ0OLF8cqGwbiy1PtlYMT5gMBuK1rAENACFSX0u6euaY8nxYFm5eZj/s200/suicide%2520bomber.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5475065018198521330" /></a><br /><br />Arab suicide bomber<br />Weapon of choice: bombs strapped to chest. <br />Strength: Very motivated to carry out the deed because they get 72 virgins.<br />Weakness: Smell like shit<br />Special ability: Can blend in easily with crowds<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqn7ErmTow6xSIZoZaoy9nkRFyCcQAorsMQiDPQIYvz-Jda2-VeeQ-HIQ5MU_fhPAToX1bFFxQENQlcWDofTFA2nwhCF5aPQX30siC4XfHzHfWsmPzGGw7e5Fyj5lfGx4vXF-ZkTnap07b/s1600/aaakamikaze.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 129px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqn7ErmTow6xSIZoZaoy9nkRFyCcQAorsMQiDPQIYvz-Jda2-VeeQ-HIQ5MU_fhPAToX1bFFxQENQlcWDofTFA2nwhCF5aPQX30siC4XfHzHfWsmPzGGw7e5Fyj5lfGx4vXF-ZkTnap07b/s200/aaakamikaze.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5475064382003908658" /></a><br /><br />Japanese Kamikaze<br />Weapon of choice: Mitsubishi A6M Zero<br />Strengths: Doesn't give a shit and can fly<br />Weakness: Short in stature<br />Special ability: Can fly a plane into the side of a navy ship or your house.<br /><br /><br /><br />If this match up were to happen I would put my money on the Japanese kamikaze. The arab suicide bomber seems more fanatical, but there is no way for the suicide bomber to attack the kamikaze pilot since he's in a plane and the suicide bomber is either on foot or riding a camel.Brucehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05747510530593570424noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8510305886086885304.post-70159451212583904632010-05-13T22:00:00.001-07:002010-05-13T22:01:01.279-07:00Planning a documentary/road trip to arizona. Need people to pretend to be mexicanSo me and about 10 people are going to go to arizona with hidden cameras. We will all be dressed up like mexicans and drive around town and see if any cops will pull us over. We are going there in 3 vehicles (2 large vans and a crappy station wagon)<br /><br />Now the crew I have coming with me consist of people from all backgrounds. We will all be dressed in khaki pants four sizes too big and flannel shirts. <br /><br />The point of this documentary would be to see how fast we get pulled over by cops and how they will harass us. When they do pull us over and notice we're not Mexican we are going see if they still want to check our birth certificates or resident ID's. <br /><br />The video will be posted on youtube afterwards just for laughs. It should be funny. <br /><br />Anyone who wants to come is welcome. If you're asian, you may have to wear sunglasses, if you're black you may have to not come (no offense, you're too dark to look the part). Of course you will have to bring your own supplies (large khaki pants, bandanas, flannel shirts, belt clips with a Letter on it and maybe some chuck taylors. <br /><br />We are heading out there May 27th and should be back home before June 1st. We already have lodging and will be more than happy to let you crash with us if you don't mind sharing a room with a bunch of fake mexicans.Brucehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05747510530593570424noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8510305886086885304.post-12211163408727820582010-05-06T17:13:00.001-07:002010-05-06T17:14:17.233-07:00I'm all for gay marriageas long as it's between a woman and a woman. And they have to be attractive. Both of them. They also have to touch each other in public so people(I) can watch.Brucehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05747510530593570424noreply@blogger.com0