Forget the new IPhone 6, get an AK-47

People are lining up to get the new IPhone 6. I'm not going to do it. I don't even line up for restaurants. I'm not sure why everyone rushing to get one of these phones. It's almost the same as the previous versions. Personally, I'd rather get an AK-47 than a new phone. I think it's more useful in the world we live in. I'm going to list the pros and cons of each and you decide.


Iphone 6

Pros:
Larger (feel better when shoved in your ass due to more girth)
Expensive (good for our economy)
Can be used to dial 911 in case someone tries to gaybash you.


Cons:
Larger (may tear your anus when shoved in your ass due to more girth)
Gay
Expensive
Useless
Will be outdated when the newer model comes out next week
Can't protect you during a robbery
Won't ever appreciate in value
Signals to others you are a homosexual and are open to homosexual advances
Dialing and Texting is still subpar when compared to a phone with buttons


AK-47

Pros:
Can be used to defend yourself, your family and people you care about
Will appreciate in value over time
Can be used to rob people of their Iphones( I would advise against this because people may think you're gay for wanting one)
Works even if you put it in water, leave it in the sand, throw it around and generally beat the shit out of it.
If you own one of these, no one will ever think you're a fag
No one will ever try to gaybash you if you have one of these so there's no need to dial 911
If you have a gun, you don't need to call or text anyone. Let the gun do the talking

You can't spell Rape without India

For some reason guys in India love to rape. Single rape, gang rape, goat rape, cow rape, ass rape, rape plus torture, rape plus murder, rape plus rape. They just love raping. This really makes the country look bad because most of the world think of all Indian men as creepy, ugly, dirty, smelly, rude, perverted rapists. This isn't true. Only about 80% of them are. So India needs a new marketing campaign to change their image in the world. Now, it's tough to change someones mind about a place. I don't care how much money they put into promoting their country, I'm still going to consider Indians dirty rapists.

Since it's almost impossible to change someone's mind once it's made up, why not just take the stigma of being a rape free-for-all country and run with it? Market it, sell it to the world. Promote the fuck out of it! Instead of India: Rape Capital of the world. We'll call it a, "Rape Destination". That's right. Come here if you want to get raped by creepy smelly brown men. Your dreams come true. Rape vacation. Girls gone wild. You get to enjoy guilt-free sex with strangers, for free. Sometimes multiple times a day. Sometimes multiple times walking down the same street. Hey, it's not your fault. You didn't consent to it.

Think of how much fun you'll have. You'll never know when it's coming. It's part of the suspense. Hey, is that fruit seller on the corner whose been is eyeing you going to knock you unconscious and affectionately take your belongings from you? Or how about the three men in dark business suits talking on their phone by the corner cafe? You do love men in suits, don't you? They are tall, dark and possibly handsome (most likely not, but they're surely dark).

So India should really think about my idea. Forget about trying to turn that shit-hole country around and trying to become civilized. Make it into a destination type country. Men visit Ukraine for the abundance of prostitutes, Thailand for the lady boys and Mexico for the donkey sex shows. It's about time women have a place to visit to fulfill their desires and India could be that place. India: Rape Destination of the World. Come and get it.

Business ideas. What could go wrong?

I work 9 to 6 and I hate it. I gotta put up with unoriginal shit in the office all day long. Sometimes I go to the bathroom and pretend to take a crap just to get away from it all. Other times I eat a bunch of lousy Mexican food the night before so the next day I could go to the bathroom and really take a crap just to get away from it all.

 If I quit my job and find employment elsewhere, I'll just end up putting up with unoriginal shit all day long in another office. Same nonsense, different building.

 So I'm thinking about going into business. I had a few ideas, but most of them don't seem plausible because I'm sort of lazy and unmotivated. But there's this one idea I think may work. It's a good service that some people can use.

 The idea goes like this. I'm going to offer a service to business owners who want to get rid of local competition. What will happen is, my client will pay me a, "marketing fee" or, "consulting fee" and I will put his chosen competition out of business by strategically placing, "undesirables" inside their restaurant or place of business. By undesirables I mean blacks and Mexicans.

For example: prime time for any restaurant is usually 6:00pm every night of the week. I will bring my group of undesirables and flood the whole restaurant and take up all the tables. They will order the cheapest item on the menu along with a nice inexpensive(free) glass of water and chit chat for two hours or more. This will effectively cause the targeted restaurant to make very little money for that night and every night because all the tables are taken up.

 Can the restaurant refuse service? Sure they can. But if they do, they're racist!!! What? You don't want to serve blacks or Mexicans? You hate minorities? I'll call the motherfucking NAACP and the news media will pick this shit up immediately because the U.S media loves this stuff. They love stirring up racial tensions, but that's another story.

 Sounds pretty cruel, right? Sure, but in this economy you gotta do what you can to survive. Now to show that I'm not that big of prick, I will offer the restaurant owner whom I've been paid to target a chance to stop it all. They can pay me a, "marketing fee" or, "consulting fee" and the undesirables will stop coming in. Hell, if they pay me enough of a, "fee" maybe I'll turn my undesirables back onto the original client who paid me to do all this.

It's a win-win business idea. The blacks and Mexicans get to enjoy a good meal, I get paid a lot of money and the business owners get to enjoy a little diversity. Everyone wins!

Omakase

For those who don't know, Omakase is Japanese for, "I'll leave it to you". It is usually a style of ordering at Sushi restaurants. You tell the sushi chef you want Omakase and they make you what they think you should eat. A lot of people like this shit, but I think it's for dickheads. Why would I leave it up to the chef to pick what I eat? What if the chef was a faggot and preferred to eat a lot cock fish? He'll be serving that to me all night. I don't want that. No one would. And besides, this is America. Americans like to choose what they eat. What if I wanted a chicken fried steak? Is the chef going to serve me some chicken fried steak in his Omakase menu? He better because in America the customer is always right.

I've always wanted to fuck an Indian broad. Not really attracted to them, just wanna try it before they go extinct.

I just can't tell

Don't you just hate it when you see someone on the street and don't know if it's a pretty looking man or an ugly looking woman?

I sure do. Makes me question my sexuality when I'm masturbating to him/her that following night.

GPS for the car can save you time, but it can even save your life.

Having a GPS is useful. Being able to turn on the, "avoid toll roads, high ways or scenic route" is also pretty useful.

You know what would be even more useful? Having the option to turn on the, "avoid black neighborhoods" option. I'm sure most people would cry about this being racist, but most people would also wish they had this on their GPS when they're lost at night in an area of town they're not familiar with.

If you don't agree with me, then you're racist.