A little bit of advice

If a friend or family of yours suffers a loss of someone in their life, don't give them a pistol and bottle of vodka as a, "my condolences" present when you attend the funeral.

Christmas gifts

I might get my uncle a dog for Christmas. He's single, lonely and not flexible enough to lick his own balls.

Theres nothing wrong with rap music.

I'm tired of people blaming rap music for influencing young kids. Rap music doesn't make me violent. It doesn't make me want to sell crack. It does however make me vote republican.

Property value during a recession.

What starts with N and ends with R and it's something you never want to call a black person?

Neighbor

Violence solves everything.

Fuck Ghandi and his peaceful protests. The only reason the British left India was not because of the peaceful protests, but because of the smell there. Indians smell like shit. Only redeeming quality about Ghandi was he used to beat his wife.

Why god doesn't exist.

God didn't make us in his image because I doubt god wanted his balls so vulnerable to being kicked.

The automatic win card if you're a liberal

Samantha: I drive a VW Jetta, shop at trader joes and majored in women's studies
Cameron: So what? I have a macbook pro, I voted for obama and I'm a vegetarian.
Brody: My brother is dating a black man.