Saturday, August 29, 2009

Craiglist. Want to learn how to walk like a black man? Got rims to trade?

I made this post on craiglist to see if anyone wanted to learn how to walk like a black man. I've never seen this type of service advertised before. If this service existed I would be the first to sign up because I would totally want to be able to walk like a black man. Anyways the post is below here. I will add the email responses I get once they're available.

_____________________________________________

Okay here it is. I'm offering my services to you as a black man. Have you ever wondered how a black man can walk the way he does? The swagger, the confidence, the bounce the poise. What is it? If you're not black you aren't born with it. Good news is you can always learn. If you want to learn you have to learn from a black man because that's where this walk originates from. Others try to immitate, but they don't get it right. The leave out the important parts. They leave out the details.

I'm offering my services to you in exchange for some rims. That's right. I'll teach you how to walk like a black man for a set of 18" rims. I'll also accept 19" if you got those, but no smaller. They don't necesarrily have to be chrome, but that would be nice. If they're spinners, then I'll throw in a free session of learning how to talk like a black man. You know, that smooth deep deep charming way to talk to a woman.

Learning how to walk like a proper black man is not easy. The learning session should take about four hours. I will teach you step by step and make sure you're actually catching on before we move on. By the end of our time together you will be walking like a 100% legit black man. Nobody will ever question your background. If it weren't for your skin color all the brothas out there will think you're one of their own.

If you're interested in this trade, go ahead and send me an email and we can go from there.

Best regards,

Trey D.
Authentic Black Man

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Marketing to the masses

Did you know eating apples every day may extend your life?


It may or it may not. Who knows. I sure as hell don't. But since most people never read the small print you can ask any stupid question and people will take it for fact.

Is president Obama planning to outsource our right to vote to India?


Why the fuck would he do that? People in India are too busy eating cow shit to vote. But it doesn't matter since most people won't read this anyways.

Is it possible that Bill Clinton nailed Monica Lewinsky in the ass?


Very possible, but not likely. Imagine trying to get your dick in a fat chick's ass without alerting the secret service standing outside your door.

If eating bird shit makes your skin smoother, would you eat it as a salad dressing or as a dip for chicken nuggets?


Again, nobody really considers the question. All we see is eating bird shit makes skin smooth.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Those two journalists are free!

Fantastic. They're finally free. After a few months of dicking around they're finally on a plane back to the United States. What wonderful news!

I wonder where they'll go next time. Maybe they can go to the border areas of Venezuela and get kidnapped. No big deal, just send Bill Clinton again to set them free. It's good for media ratings.