Craiglist. Want to learn how to walk like a black man? Got rims to trade?

I made this post on craiglist to see if anyone wanted to learn how to walk like a black man. I've never seen this type of service advertised before. If this service existed I would be the first to sign up because I would totally want to be able to walk like a black man. Anyways the post is below here. I will add the email responses I get once they're available.

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Okay here it is. I'm offering my services to you as a black man. Have you ever wondered how a black man can walk the way he does? The swagger, the confidence, the bounce the poise. What is it? If you're not black you aren't born with it. Good news is you can always learn. If you want to learn you have to learn from a black man because that's where this walk originates from. Others try to immitate, but they don't get it right. The leave out the important parts. They leave out the details.

I'm offering my services to you in exchange for some rims. That's right. I'll teach you how to walk like a black man for a set of 18" rims. I'll also accept 19" if you got those, but no smaller. They don't necesarrily have to be chrome, but that would be nice. If they're spinners, then I'll throw in a free session of learning how to talk like a black man. You know, that smooth deep deep charming way to talk to a woman.

Learning how to walk like a proper black man is not easy. The learning session should take about four hours. I will teach you step by step and make sure you're actually catching on before we move on. By the end of our time together you will be walking like a 100% legit black man. Nobody will ever question your background. If it weren't for your skin color all the brothas out there will think you're one of their own.

If you're interested in this trade, go ahead and send me an email and we can go from there.

Best regards,

Trey D.
Authentic Black Man

Marketing to the masses

Did you know eating apples every day may extend your life?

It may or it may not. Who knows. I sure as hell don't. But since most people never read the small print you can ask any stupid question and people will take it for fact.

Is president Obama planning to outsource our right to vote to India?

Why the fuck would he do that? People in India are too busy eating cow shit to vote. But it doesn't matter since most people won't read this anyways.

Is it possible that Bill Clinton nailed Monica Lewinsky in the ass?

Very possible, but not likely. Imagine trying to get your dick in a fat chick's ass without alerting the secret service standing outside your door.

If eating bird shit makes your skin smoother, would you eat it as a salad dressing or as a dip for chicken nuggets?

Again, nobody really considers the question. All we see is eating bird shit makes skin smooth.

Those two journalists are free!

Fantastic. They're finally free. After a few months of dicking around they're finally on a plane back to the United States. What wonderful news!

I wonder where they'll go next time. Maybe they can go to the border areas of Venezuela and get kidnapped. No big deal, just send Bill Clinton again to set them free. It's good for media ratings.

It does matter if you're black or white. Fuck Michael Jackson

Michael Jackson was wrong. It does matter if you're black or white.

I wanted to find out if people in Orange County were a bunch of pussy liberals. I posted two personal ads on craiglist: one posing as a white woman, the other a black woman. The ads were both pretty similar in content. Both expressed pro racial views and both were seeking men who were pro black or pro white in their outlook.

I predicted the pro white personal ad would result in a lot of hate mail and the eventual deletion of the personal ad. I predicted a different outcome for the pro black personal. Not only would people accept it, but no one will send me hatemail.

Here are the two ads I posted.

The first one:

Title: White female seeking WHITE man

Just like the title says. I'm seeking a racially aware white male around my age. By racially aware I mean you are proud of your white heritage and are not a liberal apologetic sissy boy. I'm 25, cute, active and very caring. I don't have kids or anything. I've never dated anyone who wasn't white, and it would be great if you hadn't either. Please do not email me if you're not a racially aware white man. I am not interested in anyone else and will not respond to your emails.

Tattoos displaying your proud heritage are a definite plus. A huge plus if you are a skinhead or into that scene.

If you're interested please send me an email and talk to me about some of the recent pro white books you've read lately. I just finished Mein Kampf and the Turner Diaries. What did you read?


Here is the second personal I posted posing as a black woman.

Second email:

Black woman seeking Black man

Hi boys,

My name is Bernice and I'm seeking a man between the ages of 26-35. Please only email me if you're black and fit into the age group. I won't respond to emails from guys who are not black. I've never dated outside my race because I think it's wrong. It would be great if you feel the same way.

A little about myself. I'm college educated and am currently working as a counselor in high school. I enjoy reading about African history and heritage. It would be great if you were into your own history and roots.

I just read a few books about Malcolm X, Elijah Muhammad and OJ Simpson. Please email me if you're interested in finding out more and we'll see where this leads :)

Bernice



As I predicted, the pro white posting was automatically responded to by hateful and threats while the pro black posting didn't. I know the two postings are not identical, but the contents within are similar. Both expressed racial pride, both expressed the desire not to interbreed and both talked about books that are either pro white or pro black. Maybe people like the name, "Bernice" more than "Cheryl"? I sure as hell wouldn't. When I think, "Bernice" I think fat black bitch.

Petition to force Chinese to change their language

I've decided to take the fight to the Chinese. Who the hell do they think they are? Did you know in Chinese the word for female monk is "nee-gu"? That sounds too much like the word we use to insult black folks. That is unacceptable. It's two thousand and fucking nine. This type of racism needs to stop. There is no room for hate.

Instead of sitting by and letting this insult affect our wonderful African American community, I've decided to start a petition to force the Chinese government to change their language. They can change the word to anything they want. Anything is fine as long as it doesn't insult African Americans or Jews. Everyone else is fine.

The petition can be signed here

http://www.petitiononline.com/bruce123/petition.html

It will only take a few minutes to sign and you would have done your good deed for the day. Please help me fight the good fight and bring dignity back to the African American community. Like I said, the petition signing will only take a minute. If you don't do it, you're racist.

President Obama's historical trip to Ghana

Where'd he go? I can't see him. He's gone! Oh wait, never mind there he is.

Fat ugly girls with great personalities!

I don't like fat chicks, you don't like fat chicks, nobody likes fat chicks. It's even worse when she's an ugly fat chick. I'm tired of people defending fat ugly girls by saying, "well she probably has a great personality". A great personality doesn't cover up her grotesque appearance. Infact a great personality on a fat ugly chick only makes her worse. Heres why.

When a girl is fat and ugly, the best she can do for herself is stay in the house. If she absolutely has to leave her house then she should act as a deaf mute. She shouldn't say anything, shouldn't look anyone in the eye and should hurry the hell up doing what she needs to do then get back to her house double speed.

The last thing we need is a fat ugly girl with a great personality. With a great personality comes more talking and more public time. That would mean the general public would be forced to "endure" this stupid bitch more than they have to.

Here is the hierarchy when it comes to fat ugly chicks. It goes from best case scenario to worst case scenario.

1) Fat ugly chick who doesn't talk much and doesn't have a drivers license. Doesn't have legs either.

2) Fat ugly chick who does have a drivers license, but no car. She borrows her parents car sometimes, but not often. She has legs, but they won't carry her since she's so fat.

3) Fat ugly chick who has a drivers license, legs and a car. She's fat, but her legs are strong enough to carry her around public.

4) Fat ugly chick who not only has working legs, a drivers license and a car, but also loves to go to the mall, talk a lot and is always trying to strike up a conversation with people.

Like mentioned in the fourth scenario; fat ugly chicks who are mobile and talkative are a nightmare. Your chances of meeting one of these out in public are doubled if she thinks she's one of those, "hot fat ugly chicks". Nowhere do they exist, except in their own minds.

A fat ugly girl with high self esteem can be trouble. In order to combat this, you need to take every opportunity to put the hog down. A simple comment like, "hey bitch" followed by an elbow to the grill works pretty well.

In a perfect world, there would be no fat ugly girls. I know our world isn't perfect, so the best we can do is lock these hogs up. Since everyone is in agreement that fat ugly chicks are not welcome, do yourself a favor; don't feed the animals.