Things you never see

Coed locker rooms.

A Jewish construction worker

A fat tv anchor woman

People protesting against cancer research

A midget cop

Jewish joke

A young Jewish boy goes to his father and asks him for $30.

His father looks at his son and says "$20? What do you need $10 for?"

Without my bible I am lost (Christian message board posting)

I posted this topic on that same Christian message board. This should be interesting. I'll post an update here once I get some feedback.

Hey everyone,

Glad to be here. I have a question about how I should act toward other people. I'm a newly converted Christian and will start going to church on a weekly basis. I haven't received my bible yet so I don't know how I should act.

My question is: should I help my neighbor move his furniture to his new office? I usually would because he's my neighbor and a real nice person. Him and his wife even invited me over for Thanksgiving dinner.

But the thing is he's not Christian. I think he's atheist because he used to joke around about God not being there for the victims of that one major hurricane. That wasn't really nice of him I know.

Should I help him move? He said it's not a big deal if I'm too busy. Does the bible say anything about helping non-Christians?

Please help. He literally has three truckloads of furniture to move and his moving date is next Monday so I should probably give him an answer by this weekend.

Kindest regards,
Bruce


My second post on the same topic:
Hi guys,

Thanks for the advice. I just notified him today that I'd be able to help him move. Oh boy what did I get myself into . He has so much office chairs and desks plus computers and stuff. He did promise to buy me lunch though. I guess you're all right. Even if he's not a Christian he should still be deserving of help since he's a pretty nice person and all. I'll try not to talk to him about God and hopefully he won't bring up the subject either.

God bless!,
Bruce


My third post on the same topic:
Guys... It was a complete disaster! Oh lord it was a disaster! I'm so infuriated right now with my neighbor I can't even think straight. I'll try to explain what happened tomorrow! All I have to say is my neighbor is such a jerk and I think I might have to move out of the neighborhood now.

Do Christians have a good sense of humor?

I've decided to make a user account on some Christian message board. My goal there is to see if Christian people have a sense of humor. This will be an ongoing investigation so check back every few days if you want to see how they respond to my chat topics.

My first post on that site was in their "introduction thread". Below is the chat post transcripts. I will update it with responses once they're available.


Hello everyone!

I'm new on this message board and a newly coverted Christian! A friend of mine from work told me to join him at his local church. He's been pressuring me to go for awhile now so I finally went and I loved it!

There were so many cute girls there and they even had a bbq the day I was there. The man who read from the bible was a very talented speaker and I enjoyed listening to him speak. I just purchased my own bible from ebay and will be reading it as soon as it arrives.

Anyways I just wanted to say hi!

Bruce

Review of Yelp.com

I've decided to review Yelp. Even though I was only on that community site for about three weeks before being banned, I was still able to experience what that community was about.

I'm going to review different elements of the Yelp site by using their own grading system: stars! Mine is going ot be a little different though. Each star has a different meaning.

* * * * * (5stars, better than a handjob)
* * * * (4stars, pretty goddamn good)
* * * (3stars, just fine and dandy)
** (2stars, almost gay)
* (1star, gay)

Okay now with the rating system explained, here are the elements of Yelp I'm going to review: usability, rating system, community chat topics, the members, staff and overall feel.

Usability: *****
Rating system: ***
Community chat topics: **
The male members: ***
The female members: ****
Staff: ****
Overall: ****

The best thing about Yelp is their content and usability of the review system. Yelp has done a great job in making their user interface easy enough that even the stupidest mac users can write reviews and express their opinions. The review system is a bit flawed though due to some people using it as a place to vent rather than write proper reviews. I've noticed some reviews on there are just outright bitter. People using it to attack the restaurant/establishment instead of writing something useful so the general public can get a good idea about the place.

I gave the community chat topics two stars out of five because the topics being discussed couldn't be any more sterile. Most of the topics consisted of "do black women like mexican men", "do asian women like black men" and "do the lakers like my dick". Talk about boring shit. I tried to spice things up by acting like a racist homophobe.

Just because I made a few remarks about women, blacks, Mexicans, homosexuals, liberals, Jews, vegeterians, feminists, enviromentalists, abolitionists, communists, fat people, ugly people, poor people, the handicapped and retards doesn't make me a bad guy.

Showing intolerance towards an intolerant person only makes the person who is trying to defend tolerance an intolerant person themselves. I've noticed most of the intolerance came from the men: which brings me to the next topic.

Quite a few men on Yelp are pretty easily butt hurt. I had a few psychotic people message me with crazy messages accusing me of all kinds of shit. A few of them even tried to get people to band up against me. It was pretty easy getting underneath their skin though. The women on the other hand were pretty tough. I had this crazy bitch message me practically wanting to fight me. I don't know, maybe it's a liberal San Francisco thing. Who knows.

The staff on Yelp seemed pretty lenient. It took three warnings about my retaurant reviews for me to get my account banned. If I were a Yelp staff member and didn't have a sense of humor, I probably would have banned me the first time I said something negative about homosexual vegeterian Mexicans. Although my account is now closed, I don't regret having visited the community.

Overall I would say Yelp is a pretty good service for people to read and write reviews about places they have visited. Some of the reviews are actually good and helpful. Such good helpful reviews are always fair in their judgement and detailed in their explanations.

I think one thing that could improve Yelp would be to make people submit their height and weight. This way if someone gave a restaurant a negative review and said the servings were too small people can just ignore it and think, "oh she's just fat, her opinion don't matter".

Banned from Yelp

Well it's about time. I received this email from the staff at yelp stating my account has been closed. I was kind of wondering how long it would take for me to get banned. To my surprise it took quite a long time. I must have verbally assaulted/pissed off so many people there. I guess the good folks at yelp finally had enough. I must say though the staff at yelp are pretty lenient. I've been banned from so many online communities and it's usually very fast. I guess people from San Francisco are much more tolerant.

Some members of yelp expressed interest in reading my reviews. In the next couple of days I will be posting up my old yelp reviews here on this blog since the reviews aren't on yelp anymore due to the account closure.

Below is the letter I received from a gentleman by the name of Kris. Kris is a staff member at yelp at he was charged with notifying me of the unfortunate actions that had to take place.


Hello,
I'm writing to let you know about our decision to close your account. Your user account was flagged by the Yelp community, and our Support team has determined that your account has violated Yelp’s Terms of Service (http://www.yelp.com/static?p=tos), specifically for repeated Talk and Review Guidelines violations.
While we don't provide additional details about account closures, please know that we review every situation with great attention and take this matter very seriously.

Regards,
Kris
Yelp User Support

I'm sorry you're gay

It seems like everyone wants an apology nowadays. What for? Is it going to make you feel better? It's not. Your ancestors got their ass kicked a long time ago and an apology isn't going to reverse it. You can't reverse an ass being kicked. The best you can do is surrender and move on: like the Japanese.

Now here's a group of people you gotta respect. They realized their country was pretty lame and outdated so they went on a mission to develop their military. They did pretty well for awhile, kicked some ass and then got nuked, twice. Do you ever hear of Japanese people bitching about shit? Never. They just cleaned up all that nuclear fall out and started some really good automotive, electronic and appliance businesses. Not a damn word.

So your grandparents were slaves, so what? At least they got to work outside. I bet the weather was great. None of that stuck in a cubicle bullshit people have to put up with nowadays.

Your country was invaded by Germany? Japan? Rome? They took your resources, your bitches and made you learn their language? Why didn't your grandparents fight back? And if they did, why didn't they fight harder? Why did they give up? I'll tell you why, it's because your grandparents sucked. They sucked at fighting off the foreign invaders and they most likely sucked at life, too.

I do understand that apologies have it's place in society. For instance if you accidentally sleep with your friend's fiance, then yes, you should probably apologize. If you slept with her twice, then apologize twice.

It's when these liberal sissies demand apologies for past events that makes this whole thing ridiculous. I have an idea though. If these people who want apologies from countries that have commited these past injustices then the country who is apologizing should be able to apologize any way they want.

For example:

From Britain to India.

Dear former colony #37,

I would like to express my deepest regrets for what my ancestors did to your ancestors. It was quite a shame that you little weak people couldn't fight back. You had close to 500 million people back then, but you still couldn't cut it. What the fuck is wrong with you people? You won your independence a long time ago, but your country has not progressed. You still smell and you still worship the same cows. What the fuck is your problem?

Regards,

Great Britain

_______________________________________________

Or maybe this.

From United States to Mexico

Dear Mexicans,

It's been awhile hasn't it? Don't you miss California, Arizona and Texas? Yep, sorry about that. Although I think those states are better off being a part of the U.S, I still can't help but imagine what they would be like if we hadn't kicked your ass in the war and taken them away from you. Maybe they would have been a total shit whole like your entire country. I guess we'll never know.

p.s I'm sorry about your country's conditions, but stay the fuck out of ours.

Sincerely,
Some random jackass American

___________________________________________________


I think everyone should stop crying and maybe learn a little something from a small country like Romania. Romania has been bullied by everyone past and present. You don't hear, see or read about Romanians crying do you? I don't, but it's because there is no television, writing or internet in Romania. They don't even have electricity, what a piece of shit.

k