Get them while they're hot

I survived the holocaust and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.

Natural progression of women

Attractive women
Starts off as waitress right after high school
Gets discovered by some Jewish guy in the entertainment industry
Does some modeling. Bikini shots, underwear etc.
Gets into nude modeling.
Gets into cocaine
Starts stripping
Starts stripping and ocassional prostitution with vip clients
Gets into porno films. All natural, vaginal sex only
Does more cocaine, meets more Jewish entertainment industry big shots
Vaginal porno plus cumshots
Full blown anal sex
Full blown anal sex with two guys. (Both in the same hole)
Full blow anal sex with 8 black guys
Starts to develop wrinkles. Hit's the big 25
Starts to do milf films. Salary decreases substantially
Hit's 30
Is forced out of the entertainment industry due to age.
Gets job at dive bar as bar tender
Demoted to bar assistant.
Fired due to age and appearance
Works as waitress again, this time at Dennys
Fired from Dennys due to age and appearance
Forced to get a job as customer service at call center
Fired due to age and appearance

Unattractive women
Finishes high school
Finishes college
Works as customer service at call center
Fired due to age and appearance

Women should not be in politics or positions of power

It's not their fault. It's just that we men can never take them seriously. Whatever they say doesn't matter. We're not really listening. We're just thinking about pounding her ass.

I think the only type of women that can be in politics or positions of power are ugly women. They're the only ones I actually listen to only because I'm not fantasizing about sticking my dick in her mouth.

But then theres the question of alcohol. Bring in that equation and we're back to slamming her from behind.

Short takes

Ex-military personnel: Why don't you stop being a coward and serve your country?

Civilian: Fuck you, I do serve my country. I recycle.

Breaking news

I walked by the Mexican frozen foods section at Costco and there were a bunch of Mexicans there.

Things you never see

Ever notice you never see ugly women sitting ring side at sporting events? You might have seen one near the front row seats before, but she was the aisle usher. Unattractive women don't sit ring side. Now the cheap seats...

That's where they belong.

headbutting etiquette

When headbutting someone make sure to aim for the nose. Not having good aim can result in your companion having to make a visit to her dentist.

Questionable acts

Buying a used microwave from a Chinese person.

Two types of people in this world

People and type of people who own Macs:

Women
Homosexuals
Brody Jenner
Dennis Rodman
That fucking guy caught for the hot air balloon hoax
Fred Durst
Any actor
People who work at starbucks
People who support gay rights
People who think women should be able to vote
People who drink Heinneken or Cosmos
Cancer victims/survivors/supporters
Vegetarians
People who drive Volkswagens
No one who weighs over 130 pounds.
Steak, welldone with a side of organic tomato ketchup



People and types of people who don't own Macs:

Men
Knowledgeable people
Chuck Norris
Hockey players
Lumberjacks
People who intimidate people for a living
People who beat people for a living
People who kill people for a living
Anyone with a big gut or truck
Anyone with a big dog
People who fight bears
People who fight bears for a living
A person who owns a gun
People who drink domestic beer
Steak, medium rare

Monday morning conversation at the office

Ramon: Hey how you doing? Hows everything?
Jeremy: Great man, I've been great.
Ramon: Wonderful, how is everything? Hows your sex life?
Jeremy: It's pretty good right now. I have 250 gigs of porn and a lot of free time.

Regarding death row inmates and the ways they choose to go

If I were on deathrow and about to get executed, I'd opt for the, "strangled by hand" option. It's simple and cost effective. None of that lethal injection or electric chair high maintenance high cost bullshit. Haven't the tax payers paid enough? Have some common decency for once in your life.

High Definition

The problem with HD is that when you're watching HD porn you can see everything. If the bitch doesn't shave her legs properly you can see it. And once you do, it's too late your boner is gone.

The problem with old school and people who use the word.

The word old school has been used too much. People use it describe anything from their taste in music to their work ethic.

The problem with old school is that it's always changing. What's old school today is ancient tomorrow. What's modern today is old school tomorrow. That's the problem with people using the word, "old school". They're shady. What they consider old school today is non-existant tomorrow. I can't trust a man like that. I don't trust any person who doesn't have good solid beliefs.

Women who enjoy receiving oral sex.

Don't do it. Not even once. If you do you're doomed. Next thing you know she'll get a 9 to 5 job and start coming home drunk and beating you.

Fucking lazy broads. If you want oral sex get a dog and some peanut butter.

Is the swine flu the new cancer?

No. It's not. Cancer victims have to get chemo therapy and all kinds of other shit. All swine flu victims have to do is drink more water, rest and shut the fuck up. Swine flu is nothing compared to cancer. While we're at it, cancer is nothing compared to aids. Fuck cancer. People with aids are more hardcore. They have to go through life knowing they fucked one too many gay guys in the ass without a condom.

But it does seem like the swine flu is the new cancer in a way. People talk about it all the time. Even brag about having had it. It's always on the news and it's almost a hip and progressive disease to have. Pretty soon they're going to come out with swine flu bracelets. Maybe even drinks will be named after it at trendy hip bars in places like New York.

Swine flu and minorities.

So far a total of one thousand Americans have died from this swine flu. No big deal. A thousand is nothing. You're more likely to die from random acts of violence. Even if your neighborhood doesn't have blacks or mexicans. The flu is fine. It's harmless. Embrace it.

New World Order. One world currency conspiracy theory.

The new world currency will be ass, gas or grass.

Whenever I give rides I secretly hope she pays with ass, but the bitch always offers gas money.

He's got his whole life ahead of him.

Just as a disclaimer: it's not gay if your balls don't touch.

The issue of uncut dicks have not been resolved. Most guys in the United States have had their weeners cut when they were born. I don't know why this horrendous act is still done today. It was done in the past to keep the penis clean because they didn't have soap. It was also done to keep young boys from masturbating.

Let me explain something about dicks. If you have a circumsized penis, then your masturbation experience isn't as good as mine. For starters, I have a very vivid and sick imagination. That and my penis is uncircumsized. When your penis is cut your hand feels like sand paper rubbing up against it unless you use lotion. Considering the average American guy masturbates atleast eight times a day, that's a lot of lotion to be buying.

In modern times we don't really need to circumsize boys. We have soap, and it's been established that masturbation is okay, even pretty enjoyable. So why do people still have their infant boys circumsized? One of the reasons for the mother is, "I don't want him to think he is different than his dad".

Fair enough. You don't want him to feel alienated. You want him to be just like dad. That makes sense. But seriously, how many fucking times do you think the young boy is going to see his dad's dick? I've never ever seen my dad's dick and I'm proud.

So there really is no reason to cut your infant boy. Every time a discussion about circumsized dicks come up, all the guys get all defensive. I don't blame them though, if my dick was cut, I'd defend circumsition too. Of course I'd also secretly wish I had skin.

So do yourself, your child and this world a favor. Stop cutting your infant boys. He's not going to masturbate less if you cut him. He'll just be spending more money on lotion, vaseline and ranch dressing. He's just a child. He has his whole life ahead of him. Let him enjoy the good things in life.

The sad state of affairs

I'm thinking about getting one of those brick phones from the late 90's. The ones that have a big antennae sticking out of it. Even better if it's connected to a suitcase.

The thing is every asshole brain surgeon, businessman, high school student, jr. high student, construction worker, janitor, homeless person and Puerto Rican has a new touch screen flip phone. It's gay when the guy who cuts your grass has a more expensive phone than you. I say fuck it. Stop trying to keep up with the Jones, or in California's case, the Hernandez's.

I'm going back to a big giant brick phone. It'll be hard to carry around. I'd have to get larger pants with deeper pockets, but the good news is maybe a rap star will notice my super OG big pants and invite me to be in a rap music video. Or maybe not. Fuck Al Gore.

The "Prove you're not a racist" game show

With the way this country is going, I think it would be appropriate to have a new type of game show. You know, as a sign of the times. The game show would be called, "Prove you're not a racist". It would be hosted by a pale liberal Jew homosexual who is not only well read, but is also a vegan and posseses a communications degree.

The game show would have three contestants. All of which are white and pathetic. The object of the game is to try and prove you're not a racist in under thirty seconds. To do so, contestants must list off the top of their heads the many things that make them progressive and tolerant.

Example:

1st contestant: Ugh I know black people! My neighbor's sister's tax account's doctor's best friend's massage therapist is black. I voted for Obama. I support affirmative action. I don't lock my doors when driving through minority neighborhoods. I'm all for interracial relationships! My sister is dating a black man!

2nd contestant: Oh my ex husband's best friend was black. His name was Tyrone and we got along quite well, thank you. I shop at black owned businesses! I'm all for illegal immigration and affirmative action. I think Jews deserve to be in Israel. Fuck Palestine, Jews were there first. I think it's great Asian females are news anchors.

3rd contestant: "Oh my best friend happens to be black"

The judging will be done from a panel of three blacks(African Americans). The judges will decide on who provided the best proof of not being a racist. The winner will receive $5000, half of which will be donated to the NAACP.

At the end of the show all the contestants, judges and audience will get on stage and start dancing to rap.

Difference between black people and white people

I've noticed something. When black people ring my doorbell, it's usually for different purposes than when white people ring my doorbell.

Today some white people rang my doorbell and wanted to talk to me about my relationship with Jesus Christ. What the hells wrong with these people? My relationship with anyone is my business. My relationship with Jesus could be great, or it could be horrible. Who are they to ask me? It's none of their business. Jesus and I could be gay ass buddies for all they know, it's none of their business.

When black people ring my doorbell, they usually don't ask me about my relationship with Christ. I can respect that. But then they get into the whole, "yo brotha, you wanna buy some magazines? Come on, help a brotha out, I'm a recovering crack addict".

We don't pay extremely high property taxes and extremely high prices for a house here to be bothered with this nonsense. Jesus christ.

Underwear

I don't really like underwear. It always getting stuck inbetween my ass and it's redundant. The whole point of pants is to cover your dick. Why wear two layers? I bet underwear was invented by some fat feminist lesbian who accidentally saw some dudes cock when his pants fell.

She then started some campaign to promote the wearing of another layer underneath the first layer of pants. This way if some guys pants accidentally falls again, the fat bitch will be shielded from the cock by the extra layer underneath.

Fat lesbians ruin everything.

This is what happens when your country contains 1.5 billion people.

You got the tallest and shortest person in the world. Theres something about the little guy that makes me want to punt him. I think it's his face. I think if I had the chance to fight these two guys I'd punt the little guy and headbutt the big guy in the balls. It just seems right.

Good practical joke.

I was stuck in traffic so I had time to think. I was thinking about good ways to fuck with people.

Hows this? You break into a sperm bank at night and switch all the labels on the jars of sperm. Next day a woman walks in and requests a sample of sperm from a tall white man, light hair with light eyes. She takes the jar of sperm home, shoves it up her ass and nine months later she ends up with a black baby.

All because you swapped the labels for the tall white man with the label for the midget black man with a bad kidney.

Pretty good joke if you ask me. Laughs all around. It's sure to brighten up anyones day. As for the woman not laughing? Her fault she doesn't have a sense of humor. Fuck her.

What's worse than Indian tech support?

Vietnamese tech support. Imagine having to get tech support from some guy in Vietnam. If you thought Indian tech support was tough to handle, try Vietnamese. The Vietnamese language is one of the most unpleasant languages to listen to. It's even worse when they try to speak English with their native accent. Have you ever heard a bunch of small dogs barking at each other? That's what it sounds like. Fuck India, fuck Vietnam and fuck you.

LOOKING FOR FIRED UP LIBERAL ACTIVISTS! (Central OC)

I decided to fuck with this broad. She made a job posting on craiglist looking for some young liberal activists to go door to door to sign people up to vote.

Here is her original posting.

_______________________________

Title: LOOKING FOR FIRED UP LIBERAL ACTIVISTS!

Are you progressive, enthusiastic and ready to make a difference?

The Democratic Party needs hard working canvassers to go door-to-door registering people to vote in Orange County.
Pay is weekly at $10.00/hr to start, plus gas.
NOT paid per signature OR by commission!!!
Work environment is very young, flexible and casual- great for students!

Email resumes to Gredna at *****@gmail.com or 562 ***-3932

_______________________________

And here is the email I sent her.

Hi Gredma,

I saw your liberal activist posting on Craiglist. I think I would be able to offer a lot of value to your group. First let me start by saying I am not a liberal. Infact I despise liberals, but don't let that sway your decision to hire me. As a conservative republican I have the work ethic to help your cause. You say you need people to go door to door to register people to vote? I can do that. Infact with my extensive knowledge and experience in business, I can probably use the $10 an hour you pay me to hire out a bunch of Mexicans to go door to door for me so I can just act as the middleman. Smart thinking eh? I can do more. As you may already know, Orange County is a pretty conservative area. What you young liberals need is someone who looks good in a suit. Conservative republicans love that stuff. They'll eat it up. If your group drives up in a bunch of Prius hybrid vehicles while dressed in T-shirts with peace signs on the front, people aren't going to take you seriously. You need a man in a suit, and that man is me. Let's set up a time the two of us can meet. If liberals and conservatives both work together, we can accomplish what we're really trying to accomplish: getting rid of the illegal Mexicans in our community. Am I right?

Let's talk,
Willie K.

Craiglist. Want to learn how to walk like a black man? Got rims to trade?

I made this post on craiglist to see if anyone wanted to learn how to walk like a black man. I've never seen this type of service advertised before. If this service existed I would be the first to sign up because I would totally want to be able to walk like a black man. Anyways the post is below here. I will add the email responses I get once they're available.

_____________________________________________

Okay here it is. I'm offering my services to you as a black man. Have you ever wondered how a black man can walk the way he does? The swagger, the confidence, the bounce the poise. What is it? If you're not black you aren't born with it. Good news is you can always learn. If you want to learn you have to learn from a black man because that's where this walk originates from. Others try to immitate, but they don't get it right. The leave out the important parts. They leave out the details.

I'm offering my services to you in exchange for some rims. That's right. I'll teach you how to walk like a black man for a set of 18" rims. I'll also accept 19" if you got those, but no smaller. They don't necesarrily have to be chrome, but that would be nice. If they're spinners, then I'll throw in a free session of learning how to talk like a black man. You know, that smooth deep deep charming way to talk to a woman.

Learning how to walk like a proper black man is not easy. The learning session should take about four hours. I will teach you step by step and make sure you're actually catching on before we move on. By the end of our time together you will be walking like a 100% legit black man. Nobody will ever question your background. If it weren't for your skin color all the brothas out there will think you're one of their own.

If you're interested in this trade, go ahead and send me an email and we can go from there.

Best regards,

Trey D.
Authentic Black Man

Marketing to the masses

Did you know eating apples every day may extend your life?

It may or it may not. Who knows. I sure as hell don't. But since most people never read the small print you can ask any stupid question and people will take it for fact.

Is president Obama planning to outsource our right to vote to India?

Why the fuck would he do that? People in India are too busy eating cow shit to vote. But it doesn't matter since most people won't read this anyways.

Is it possible that Bill Clinton nailed Monica Lewinsky in the ass?

Very possible, but not likely. Imagine trying to get your dick in a fat chick's ass without alerting the secret service standing outside your door.

If eating bird shit makes your skin smoother, would you eat it as a salad dressing or as a dip for chicken nuggets?

Again, nobody really considers the question. All we see is eating bird shit makes skin smooth.

Those two journalists are free!

Fantastic. They're finally free. After a few months of dicking around they're finally on a plane back to the United States. What wonderful news!

I wonder where they'll go next time. Maybe they can go to the border areas of Venezuela and get kidnapped. No big deal, just send Bill Clinton again to set them free. It's good for media ratings.

It does matter if you're black or white. Fuck Michael Jackson

Michael Jackson was wrong. It does matter if you're black or white.

I wanted to find out if people in Orange County were a bunch of pussy liberals. I posted two personal ads on craiglist: one posing as a white woman, the other a black woman. The ads were both pretty similar in content. Both expressed pro racial views and both were seeking men who were pro black or pro white in their outlook.

I predicted the pro white personal ad would result in a lot of hate mail and the eventual deletion of the personal ad. I predicted a different outcome for the pro black personal. Not only would people accept it, but no one will send me hatemail.

Here are the two ads I posted.

The first one:

Title: White female seeking WHITE man

Just like the title says. I'm seeking a racially aware white male around my age. By racially aware I mean you are proud of your white heritage and are not a liberal apologetic sissy boy. I'm 25, cute, active and very caring. I don't have kids or anything. I've never dated anyone who wasn't white, and it would be great if you hadn't either. Please do not email me if you're not a racially aware white man. I am not interested in anyone else and will not respond to your emails.

Tattoos displaying your proud heritage are a definite plus. A huge plus if you are a skinhead or into that scene.

If you're interested please send me an email and talk to me about some of the recent pro white books you've read lately. I just finished Mein Kampf and the Turner Diaries. What did you read?


Here is the second personal I posted posing as a black woman.

Second email:

Black woman seeking Black man

Hi boys,

My name is Bernice and I'm seeking a man between the ages of 26-35. Please only email me if you're black and fit into the age group. I won't respond to emails from guys who are not black. I've never dated outside my race because I think it's wrong. It would be great if you feel the same way.

A little about myself. I'm college educated and am currently working as a counselor in high school. I enjoy reading about African history and heritage. It would be great if you were into your own history and roots.

I just read a few books about Malcolm X, Elijah Muhammad and OJ Simpson. Please email me if you're interested in finding out more and we'll see where this leads :)

Bernice



As I predicted, the pro white posting was automatically responded to by hateful and threats while the pro black posting didn't. I know the two postings are not identical, but the contents within are similar. Both expressed racial pride, both expressed the desire not to interbreed and both talked about books that are either pro white or pro black. Maybe people like the name, "Bernice" more than "Cheryl"? I sure as hell wouldn't. When I think, "Bernice" I think fat black bitch.

Petition to force Chinese to change their language

I've decided to take the fight to the Chinese. Who the hell do they think they are? Did you know in Chinese the word for female monk is "nee-gu"? That sounds too much like the word we use to insult black folks. That is unacceptable. It's two thousand and fucking nine. This type of racism needs to stop. There is no room for hate.

Instead of sitting by and letting this insult affect our wonderful African American community, I've decided to start a petition to force the Chinese government to change their language. They can change the word to anything they want. Anything is fine as long as it doesn't insult African Americans or Jews. Everyone else is fine.

The petition can be signed here

http://www.petitiononline.com/bruce123/petition.html

It will only take a few minutes to sign and you would have done your good deed for the day. Please help me fight the good fight and bring dignity back to the African American community. Like I said, the petition signing will only take a minute. If you don't do it, you're racist.

President Obama's historical trip to Ghana

Where'd he go? I can't see him. He's gone! Oh wait, never mind there he is.

Fat ugly girls with great personalities!

I don't like fat chicks, you don't like fat chicks, nobody likes fat chicks. It's even worse when she's an ugly fat chick. I'm tired of people defending fat ugly girls by saying, "well she probably has a great personality". A great personality doesn't cover up her grotesque appearance. Infact a great personality on a fat ugly chick only makes her worse. Heres why.

When a girl is fat and ugly, the best she can do for herself is stay in the house. If she absolutely has to leave her house then she should act as a deaf mute. She shouldn't say anything, shouldn't look anyone in the eye and should hurry the hell up doing what she needs to do then get back to her house double speed.

The last thing we need is a fat ugly girl with a great personality. With a great personality comes more talking and more public time. That would mean the general public would be forced to "endure" this stupid bitch more than they have to.

Here is the hierarchy when it comes to fat ugly chicks. It goes from best case scenario to worst case scenario.

1) Fat ugly chick who doesn't talk much and doesn't have a drivers license. Doesn't have legs either.

2) Fat ugly chick who does have a drivers license, but no car. She borrows her parents car sometimes, but not often. She has legs, but they won't carry her since she's so fat.

3) Fat ugly chick who has a drivers license, legs and a car. She's fat, but her legs are strong enough to carry her around public.

4) Fat ugly chick who not only has working legs, a drivers license and a car, but also loves to go to the mall, talk a lot and is always trying to strike up a conversation with people.

Like mentioned in the fourth scenario; fat ugly chicks who are mobile and talkative are a nightmare. Your chances of meeting one of these out in public are doubled if she thinks she's one of those, "hot fat ugly chicks". Nowhere do they exist, except in their own minds.

A fat ugly girl with high self esteem can be trouble. In order to combat this, you need to take every opportunity to put the hog down. A simple comment like, "hey bitch" followed by an elbow to the grill works pretty well.

In a perfect world, there would be no fat ugly girls. I know our world isn't perfect, so the best we can do is lock these hogs up. Since everyone is in agreement that fat ugly chicks are not welcome, do yourself a favor; don't feed the animals.

911? Theres some Mexicans in my yard

If you're like me, you have people who come over once or twice a week to trim the hedges and blow away all the leaves in your yard. They're usually Mexican or something. If you're also like me, you have a very sick sense of humor and take every opportunity to try to fuck with someone. It doesn't have to be anything malicious. Just something simple and light hearted; like calling the police on your gardeners.

If you're home during the day you would have had the wonderful opportunity of seeing these guys come over to your house and start cleaning up your yard. They usually come in pairs and come equipped with landcaping equipment and gardening tools. They don't usually bother you. They just go about their business without much trouble. In my book this doesn't disqualify them from being fucked with.

I was thinking about calling the cops on these Mexicans. You know, just as a practical joke. I'm sure both the cops and these gardeners will get a good laugh. Consider it an April fools joke, in July. This is what you do. Next time they're in your yard trimming the hedges, you call the police.

Dial 911 and when the operator picks up you tell her, "excuse me, there are a few suspicious looking men in my backyard. I think they're of Hispanic descent. They might be armed, one of them has a shovel. Please send help quick". Be sure to tell the operator to inform the cops you're locked in your room hiding and to just go into the backyard when they arrive.

When the officers arrive, they'll probably draw their guns and make the gardeners drop their weapons(shovels and leafblower). They'll restrain them with handcuffs and get into some questioning. Not before slamming them against the wall and delivering a knee to the liver first. Gotta follow procedures. Then before things really get out of hand, you open the door to your back yard, jump out and and yell, "surprise! April fools". Imagine how funny it would be.

By doing this you not only show your gardeners you have a great sense of humor, it also sends a warning to all the other gardeners in your neighborhood: Don't fuck with the USA. Bitch!

Gym survival guide

For those of you unlucky enough to have to use a public gym, you're probably aware of the consequences of such misfortune. You've either had to stare at some woman's fat ass for forty five minutes while running on the treadmill behind her,(not because you're trying to stare at her whole-hog, but because her hog takes up your whole field of vision) or you've come into contact with men who like to dry their balls with a blow dryer in the locker room.

Such atrocious sites and acts are not uncommon in public gyms. Having witnessed some of these atrocities myself, I've decided to write a survival guide for those who must endure the general public.

Survival rules:

#1 Do not chat up the 40 something fat divorcee.

This is very important. She may seem harmless and friendly on the outside, but on the inside she's secretly trying to corner you into a conversation about her failed marriage. She'll talk about how much of a jerk her ex-husband was and how she was never appreciated. Before you know it she'll be telling you, "you're nice" and offering up her email/telephone number so you two can get together so she can tell you more about her failed marriage. Just end the problem before it even starts. Don't talk to her.

#2 The guy who wears Tapout T-shrits/hats and MMA accesories is there to fight you.

Don't believe what people say. Guys who wear those MMA(Mixed martial arts) T-shirts aren't just fans. They wear them so they can get in fights with people. Guys who wear those shirts to the gym are there to fight you! That's right, you. It doesn't matter that he's just minding his own business doing curls in the squat rack, he's there to fight YOU. You need to take the initiative. You need to take the first swing at him. It's best to hit him while he's in the middle of doing his curls. This way you can get a few shots in before he arm bars you.

#3 "Hey, you got pretty good form, how much is your squat max?"

That's gay code for, "hey I was checking out your ass while you were squatting, wanna go to the locker room and lick each others balls?" This one is up to you. If you're gay then go for it, but get off my site. If you're straight and don't want him to lick your balls then just pretend you didn't hear him. If he presses the issue report him to the front desk for sexual harassement.

#4 Young 16-18 year old girls with large tits and a fuck-me ass.

When you see young attractive girls who dress in an inviting manner, you must go up to her and say something crass. Something along the lines of, "hello" followed by a grab to her hog will do. If you don't do this she'll think you're gay. She'll spread rumors about your gayness all around the gym, then the next thing you know guys will start coming up to you and asking, "how much you squat".

#5 Attractive moms with their attractive daughters.

When an attractive mom is at the gym with her attractive daughter, it's, "girls night out". They're out to get laid. Just go up and grab their hogs. Why do this? See rule number four.

#6 When taking a shit at the gym, take the handicap stall

What a dickhead move you say? It's not about being dick, it's about survival. The larger handicap stall allows you more maneuverability. Having the extra room allows you to escape the many attempted butt rapes that occur each year in public gyms. You'll really appreciate the extra two feet of leg room you have when the assailant attempts to grab your legs from underneath the door.

#7 After taking a shit(in the handicap stall) never wash your hands

You really think other people wash their hands? Nobody at the gym washes their hands. It's a hassle. Nobody wants to do it. When you put your hand on the 25lb dumbell, what you're really doing is putting your hand up some guys ass. Or it could be some woman's ass. A fat woman's ass. Who knows. The point is nobody washes their hands, and you shouldn't either. You're not special. Don't try to be a hero.

#8 When another man approaches you and asks, "how many sets do you have left?"

He isn't really asking you that. He's not interested in using the machine after you. No, he's challenging your dominance. He's really trying to start a fight with you. "How many sets do you have left" really means "you prick, wanna go?". When an attractive woman asks you that she really means, "rub my hog please". But when a fat woman says it she means, "you prick, wanna go?" Be sure to take necesarry action.

#9 Always try to go to the gym as early as possible

When you go to the gym early in the A.M, you'll mostly run into old retired people. The great thing about old retired people is they're easy to boss around. They can't do shit back. You push one off the treadmill, he can't fight back. His seventy year old friends can't help him either. They're too old. But watch out for the ones in the Tapout/MMA t-shirts. They'll armbar you.

#10 "King dick rules the gym"

This is a quote to live by. If you're king dick, you get first dibs on any machine, any treadmill, any piece of ass(man or woman). It's okay if you're not really a strong guy. You just need to appear strong. Forget about working your legs. Nobody looks at your legs, especially if you're always wearing long pants. Just work up your chest and arms, wear cutoff shirts and a beanie. Walk around with a mean look on your face and pick on people. Just don't mess with the guys doing squats or deadlifts, because they'll fight back and kick your ass.

Well, there you have it. Public gyms like public anything can be a jungle. There are strict guidelines one must follow in order to survive and even thrive. By following my survival guide you'll not only avoid multiple attempts of rape to your ass, but you may even score some ass of your own(man or woman).

Why gays shouldn't be allowed in the military

I think the reason gays shouldn't be allowed in the military is because of the atrocities they will commit when invading a defenseless country. Since gays are gay, they prefer men.

Imagine this scenario: the gays storm a helpless village in some country full of non-whites. They kill all the women and then rape the men.

This above scenario is very real and has happened and is happening right now, except it's reversed. Right now since the people in the military are straight they kill the men and rape the women. This is fine because they're killing men.

If gays were in the military they would kill the women and that's not kosher.

Women with short hair

I think it's fine if a woman wants to cut her hair short. She's sporty, independent, strong and most importantly: equal. If a woman wants to cut her hair short like a man, thats her choice. But she will have to accept being treated like a man: punched in the face.

New scientific evidence suggests humans evolved from chickens.

Go infront of the mirror and take off your shirt. Now bend one of your arms and look at it. Doesn't it look like a piece of chicken wing from El Pollo Loco?

Okay now take off your pants. Look at your legs from the top of your thigh to your feet. Imagine you didn't have any feet. Doesn't your leg look like a chicken drum stick?

Cancer research

I think they should stop researching a cure for cancer. If you get cancer then it was meant to be. That's how it is in the animal kingdom. If some bear is born with half an ass, he's going to die. Other bears don't rush to his aid and try to find a cure for only having half an ass. The other bears make fun of that half assed bear until he leaves the village and dies. That's how it works. That's how mother nature wanted things. Don't go against the grain.

Midget fucker

When midgets masturbate, do they think about hot midget girls or normal sized girls? Do hot midget girls even exist? Even if they do, I'd still never fuck a midget. Something about it makes me feel uneasy. You know she's 45 years old, but you still feel like a pedophile.

Almost 200 email responses within 24 hours

God damn. I received almost two hundred emails from horny men ranging from young mechanics working in a garage to sixty year old lawyers wanting to cheat on their wives. A lot of the men attached mugshots of their faces and dicks. These people have no clue. Wheres the romance?

This is disconcerting because many of the men emailing me with long personalized emails are pretty good looking(no homo). A lot of them have normal lives and families.

Most of them of course are just single lonely men who jump at the chance to have sex: even if it's with an old no legged one armed divorced woman. If I would have said I was also blind with an eye patch, my results would probably be the same.

Hell, I might have gotten even more emails. Some men like pirate girls. Or maybe they'll just fuck anything.

Jesus fucking christ. Not five minutes went by

Not five minutes went by and I have twenty emails in my inbox regarding the sex with a handicapped woman post I made on craiglist. Here are some of the funnier ones. I'll post more tomorrow when my inbox is totally flooded.

(This guy sent me a picture. He looks like a Viking)
Hi,
My name is JB. i am a 25 year old white male here in city of orange. I stand 6' tall, blonde hair and green eyes, 215lbs, muscular and tan skin. I have always had a fantasy of having sex with a handicapped woman. I am clean, drug and disease free, well hung, and very openminded. would love to chat. let me know if you are interested.

thanks!

JB


(This guy sent me a picture of his face. He looks like that black R&B singer Usher)
21/m/blk/7in cut (if that matters)/6'6/ looking for a fun time. If interested lets talk about what your looking for till you feel comfortable ... serious and real guy here..

(This guy sent me two pictures of his fat face and one of his dick)
I am always on the look out for fun, laughter. Sex and just being me. I am easy going down to earth. Easy to get along with. Real considerate of others to have a good time with but also show a good time to.

(This guy seemed concerned about my safety. He told me to be careful because there are tons of perverts on craiglist. He even sent me a picture of himself. He's too handsome to be scoping out handicapped chicks on the internet.)
Hi Rachael

I'm a 24 year old college boy.. I want to fuck you... I think its a turn on...
I'm 6ft... 170 pounds. Green hazel eyes

Send me your pic. Here's mine

(This guy is pretty funny. If I really were a handicapped old chick I'd nail this guy)
Hey! We should get together!
I guess you could say I'm handicapped as well. I have 1 ear and crooked jawline.
I am 25 5'6 130lbs and 8in and thick. Multiple cummer too!
Shoot me back an email and I'll send you my pic.

(I think this guy is onto me)
you type very well for only having 1 good arm.......

(This guy fucked his aunt. He also sent me his picture. He looks emo)
Hi, my name is Mark, I'm 23, Filipino, an exchange student here in CA and I play and teach piano on the side. My wife is working tonight, tomorrow night(Monday) and Tuesday night. I have strong fetish and desire for older women and in turns me on.
I'm open to try anything except drugs and must be disease free. I am clean, cut, and STD free. I love going down, and I'm not into partner pressure, so if you're not down with that, no worries. I've been sexually active since I was 14 yrs old since i had my first with my Aunt. I'm 5'5" and 110 lbs, skinny but huge stamina and sexual drive. I am a gentleman and act like it. I'm looking for no strings attached, pure pleasure for both of us, may happen once or frequent. Picture attached.


(This guy is also handicapped. If two handicapped people have children, are the children born handicapped? He sent his number and yahoo messenger info. I censored it for his sake though)

Hi there, Sweetheart. I'm Gary "WILD TONGUE" (949) 322-****. Your name / number - area code? Are you on YAHOO? Can i get your YAHOO? My YAHOO is : mar***2k . PLEASE. I'm a amputee, lost my L arm, and I'm also legally blind. I have a "WILD TONGUE", and I love to "EAT" pussy. I really would like to be best friends! I want to be YOUR, SEX toy! I'm serious! Try me, you'll like me! Take care, Sweetheart.
LOVE YA
Lustfully Your's
Gary "WILD TONGUE"
PS: your name / number - area code. Your YAHOO : Please. Thank You. I can't wait to hear from you! Call me!!!

Sent from my iPod

(this....guys...talks...like...this....I..edited..out..his...phone..number...for...his...sake...)

hi,, how are you doing ? i hope you are doing goo... first of all let me introduce myself, my name is George 30 years of age ,, in anaheim... i saw your ad on craigslist,, i would like to get in contact with you so we can establish first a friendship,,, and get to know you , and be there when you need me.... iam single ,, and iam interested on you,, if you can please give me a chance to get to know me,, please get back at me you can call me directly at my cell 714-737-**** anytime,, or email me at ********@yahoo.com ,, you can either write me or call me anytime,,, just give me a chance to get to know you and you would see what kind of person iam.... thanks for your time,,, take care , ill be waiting for your answer ,,, tomorrow i will be at fullerton working,,,, by orangethorpe and harbor,,,,, take care,,,

George

(This guy gave me his phone number, work address and sent me two photos. He wrote in all capital letters and his photos are creepy. He looks like a serial killer. I edited out his address and phone number of course)

CALL ME OR TXT ME I WOULD LIKE TO MEET U SOMEDAY OR ASAP OK I WORK AT *****CULVER DRIVE IRVINE CA***** IAM MECHANIC GUY OK SO IF WANT TO COME OVER AND SAY HI SOMEDAY I WILL BE WAITING U I PREFER AT MORNING OK IAM HERE FROM 8AM TO 6PM AND I WOULD LIKE TO SHOW U MY SEX ORAL SKILLS I LOVE MATURE PUSSY TXT ME OR CALL ME 714******* HUGO HERE IS MY PICS

(I, I, I, I. All this guy does is talk about himself. What about me? What about my feeling? It must be an 100% Italian thing, like talking with your hands)
Hi my name is Joey. I'm 100% Italian. I live in Laguna Hills . I grew up in Mission Viejo . I have a great job I'm a Mortgage Banker. I love to joke and laugh. It makes me happy when I can put a smile on someone’s face life is 2 sort to be mad. I love to go on trips even if it is just for the da y. I sometimes get in my car and just drive. I love Vegas too. I also like going for walks going out to dinner and I love to cook. I also like to stay home and kick up the feet and watch a movie. My goal is to meet that special someone that makes me sm,ile and makes my heart skip a beat., I love to show my love even if it is just saying I love u. I want u to be my best friend and lover hope to hear from you soon and thans for taking the time to read this

(Holy shit. This guy is just like me. He's fat, he's Asian, his name is Bruce, he has a small dick and he's not looking for anything long term. He sent me a picture too. Now I know what I'll look like when I'm older)
Hello

Hope this is a real posting - I'm for real

No Long Term here, Just looking for FWB - friends with benefits.

My name is Bruce, 60 yo Japanese American, Separated, Smoking again, Overweight with a fluffy body. And a tiny mushroom that shopped working

I would like to hang out time to time, I give great full body massages BOTH type the regular way and the wink wink way. Plus 90% will be for your pleasure.

can chat on AOL or Yahoo *******@aol.com or @yahoo.com
hope we can some crazy fun.


(This guy doesn't use "your" in proper context. He also likes saggy tits and hairy pits)
What kind of sex do you like ? Does oral work for you ? If so, you must be very clean. I would love to help you if oral suits you - you will cum.

I'm married, needing release more often than once a week. You are most likely a perfect fit since I assume your CLEAN. I'm very clean also, and have not had sex with anyone but the wife. If your interested, maybe the wife would like to watch.

let me know how you feel about this ?

I also like hairy armpits and saggy tits are a total turn on.

thanks steve

(This guy sounds like a creep. I wouldn't mind having him clean my house though, especially my bathroom.)
Hello,

Not sure if you are into this but I am a nice guy around mid 40 I am in very good shape and told I look yunger. So whats my thing? Well I would like to meet a nice woman that would enjoy having me be her house boy cleaner and servant. I would do this a couple times a month for you if it works out. If you are curious write back and we can go over your house rules.

Thank you

Would men fuck anything?

I wanted to find out if men in my area are desparate for sex. I posted an ad on craiglist posing as a handicapped woman seeking a male companion. Below is the post I made. I will post the email responses I get from these unsuspecting men once they're available.


Handicapped woman seeking man for sex - w4m - 47 (Fullerton)

Date: 2009-06-07, 8:37PM PDT



Hello boys. I really don't know how to say this, but I'm just kinda looking for sex. I feel embarassed for saying this, but I haven't had sex since my husband left me. I don't have any legs and only one of my arms work(long story. boating accident). I currently work from home and have some inhome assistance. I'm usually free any time during the week since my work schedule is flexible.

I have light brown hair and hazel eyes. I would be about 5'9 if I had legs and people say I look younger than my age. I'm looking for men between the ages of 25-60. I'm really not that picky as long as you're clean and well mannered. I'm sorry I can't post a picture here because if my family sees this it would be so embarassing for me. Please email me if you're interested and maybe we can swap pictures and possibly get together.

Rachael


Location: Fullerton
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Bush Bush 2012 !!!

It's obvious what Obama is doing isn't working. The Europeans ignore us, the Chinese own us and the Arabs no longer fear us. Obama foreign policy just isn't compatible with the kind of world we're living in. Instead of apologizing and trying to find equal ground, he should be threatening them with invasion, rape and pillage. Afterall; who has has more missiles? Who has bigger dicks?

What we need is a man who will back his shit up. A man who will invade your village and bill you for his time. What we need is the Bush team back in office. George Bush senior and George W. Bush junior. Imagine that; a kickass father and son team on a mission to kill brown people. This country will quickly regain it's status as the most feared and respected nation. It'll be like the 50's all over again.

Bush junior would be vice president while Bush senior takes the presidency. Father knows best.

Bush Bush 2012. Four more years!

Mexicans

What I like about Mexicans is that they're just like the Chinese: dirty on the outside, but clean on the inside.

Would you rather have a gay son or slutty daughter?

If I had to choose I would rather have a slutty daughter. I think having a slutty daughter is less of a liability than a gay son because you can just blame your daughter's loose morals on her mother. If someone has a gay son it usually reflects poorly on the dad.

It's also easier on you to have a slutty daughter. Your coworkers might sometimes tease you about your cute litte slut of a daughter, but it won't be too bad. Example: "Hey Jeff, hows that daughter of yours". A simple response of, "Hey fuck you mind your own business" will end the discussion.

With a gay son it'll be a bit more difficult. Your coworkers would always ask, "Hey Jeff, hows your boy doing in soccer?" You'll never hear the end of it.

With a slutty daughter you will have more to look forward to. With enough hard work and sexual favors, your little angel can sleep her way to the top and land some pretty good jobs like TV anchor woman or talk show host.

With a gay son the most you can expect from the little disappointment would be a professor of philosophy at some third tier no name college. In Wisconsin.

This question is always hard to answer. Nobody really wants a gay son or slutty daughter. I think if I really had a choice I would choose to have a slutty son and lesbian daughter.

This would be ideal because I can bond with my son and ask, "so how many broads you nail this week? Four? Alright"

With a lesbian daughter I can ask, "hey princess, are you pregnant? Oh yea, of course not. Good job"

Why are you sorry?

"I'm sorry, but people don't really feel the way you do"

Have you ever heard someone say this? Not the people feel the way you do part, but the, "I'm sorry" part.

What the fuck you sorry about? Just own up to your comment and say it.

Beginning your sentence with, "I'm sorry but" is the same as saying, "Oh I have nothing against black people, my neighbor's accountant's best friend's colleague's mechanic is black". Or, "one of my good friends just happens to be black".

Happens to be black? Shut the fuck up liberal.

New Geico Commercial

Save you money on car insurance? I can't do that, but I can crawl up your ass. Come on, let's go scare your neighbor.

Things you never see

Coed locker rooms.

A Jewish construction worker

A fat tv anchor woman

People protesting against cancer research

A midget cop

Jewish joke

A young Jewish boy goes to his father and asks him for $30.

His father looks at his son and says "$20? What do you need $10 for?"

Without my bible I am lost (Christian message board posting)

I posted this topic on that same Christian message board. This should be interesting. I'll post an update here once I get some feedback.

Hey everyone,

Glad to be here. I have a question about how I should act toward other people. I'm a newly converted Christian and will start going to church on a weekly basis. I haven't received my bible yet so I don't know how I should act.

My question is: should I help my neighbor move his furniture to his new office? I usually would because he's my neighbor and a real nice person. Him and his wife even invited me over for Thanksgiving dinner.

But the thing is he's not Christian. I think he's atheist because he used to joke around about God not being there for the victims of that one major hurricane. That wasn't really nice of him I know.

Should I help him move? He said it's not a big deal if I'm too busy. Does the bible say anything about helping non-Christians?

Please help. He literally has three truckloads of furniture to move and his moving date is next Monday so I should probably give him an answer by this weekend.

Kindest regards,
Bruce


My second post on the same topic:
Hi guys,

Thanks for the advice. I just notified him today that I'd be able to help him move. Oh boy what did I get myself into . He has so much office chairs and desks plus computers and stuff. He did promise to buy me lunch though. I guess you're all right. Even if he's not a Christian he should still be deserving of help since he's a pretty nice person and all. I'll try not to talk to him about God and hopefully he won't bring up the subject either.

God bless!,
Bruce


My third post on the same topic:
Guys... It was a complete disaster! Oh lord it was a disaster! I'm so infuriated right now with my neighbor I can't even think straight. I'll try to explain what happened tomorrow! All I have to say is my neighbor is such a jerk and I think I might have to move out of the neighborhood now.

Do Christians have a good sense of humor?

I've decided to make a user account on some Christian message board. My goal there is to see if Christian people have a sense of humor. This will be an ongoing investigation so check back every few days if you want to see how they respond to my chat topics.

My first post on that site was in their "introduction thread". Below is the chat post transcripts. I will update it with responses once they're available.


Hello everyone!

I'm new on this message board and a newly coverted Christian! A friend of mine from work told me to join him at his local church. He's been pressuring me to go for awhile now so I finally went and I loved it!

There were so many cute girls there and they even had a bbq the day I was there. The man who read from the bible was a very talented speaker and I enjoyed listening to him speak. I just purchased my own bible from ebay and will be reading it as soon as it arrives.

Anyways I just wanted to say hi!

Bruce

Review of Yelp.com

I've decided to review Yelp. Even though I was only on that community site for about three weeks before being banned, I was still able to experience what that community was about.

I'm going to review different elements of the Yelp site by using their own grading system: stars! Mine is going ot be a little different though. Each star has a different meaning.

* * * * * (5stars, better than a handjob)
* * * * (4stars, pretty goddamn good)
* * * (3stars, just fine and dandy)
** (2stars, almost gay)
* (1star, gay)

Okay now with the rating system explained, here are the elements of Yelp I'm going to review: usability, rating system, community chat topics, the members, staff and overall feel.

Usability: *****
Rating system: ***
Community chat topics: **
The male members: ***
The female members: ****
Staff: ****
Overall: ****

The best thing about Yelp is their content and usability of the review system. Yelp has done a great job in making their user interface easy enough that even the stupidest mac users can write reviews and express their opinions. The review system is a bit flawed though due to some people using it as a place to vent rather than write proper reviews. I've noticed some reviews on there are just outright bitter. People using it to attack the restaurant/establishment instead of writing something useful so the general public can get a good idea about the place.

I gave the community chat topics two stars out of five because the topics being discussed couldn't be any more sterile. Most of the topics consisted of "do black women like mexican men", "do asian women like black men" and "do the lakers like my dick". Talk about boring shit. I tried to spice things up by acting like a racist homophobe.

Just because I made a few remarks about women, blacks, Mexicans, homosexuals, liberals, Jews, vegeterians, feminists, enviromentalists, abolitionists, communists, fat people, ugly people, poor people, the handicapped and retards doesn't make me a bad guy.

Showing intolerance towards an intolerant person only makes the person who is trying to defend tolerance an intolerant person themselves. I've noticed most of the intolerance came from the men: which brings me to the next topic.

Quite a few men on Yelp are pretty easily butt hurt. I had a few psychotic people message me with crazy messages accusing me of all kinds of shit. A few of them even tried to get people to band up against me. It was pretty easy getting underneath their skin though. The women on the other hand were pretty tough. I had this crazy bitch message me practically wanting to fight me. I don't know, maybe it's a liberal San Francisco thing. Who knows.

The staff on Yelp seemed pretty lenient. It took three warnings about my retaurant reviews for me to get my account banned. If I were a Yelp staff member and didn't have a sense of humor, I probably would have banned me the first time I said something negative about homosexual vegeterian Mexicans. Although my account is now closed, I don't regret having visited the community.

Overall I would say Yelp is a pretty good service for people to read and write reviews about places they have visited. Some of the reviews are actually good and helpful. Such good helpful reviews are always fair in their judgement and detailed in their explanations.

I think one thing that could improve Yelp would be to make people submit their height and weight. This way if someone gave a restaurant a negative review and said the servings were too small people can just ignore it and think, "oh she's just fat, her opinion don't matter".

Banned from Yelp

Well it's about time. I received this email from the staff at yelp stating my account has been closed. I was kind of wondering how long it would take for me to get banned. To my surprise it took quite a long time. I must have verbally assaulted/pissed off so many people there. I guess the good folks at yelp finally had enough. I must say though the staff at yelp are pretty lenient. I've been banned from so many online communities and it's usually very fast. I guess people from San Francisco are much more tolerant.

Some members of yelp expressed interest in reading my reviews. In the next couple of days I will be posting up my old yelp reviews here on this blog since the reviews aren't on yelp anymore due to the account closure.

Below is the letter I received from a gentleman by the name of Kris. Kris is a staff member at yelp at he was charged with notifying me of the unfortunate actions that had to take place.


Hello,
I'm writing to let you know about our decision to close your account. Your user account was flagged by the Yelp community, and our Support team has determined that your account has violated Yelp’s Terms of Service (http://www.yelp.com/static?p=tos), specifically for repeated Talk and Review Guidelines violations.
While we don't provide additional details about account closures, please know that we review every situation with great attention and take this matter very seriously.

Regards,
Kris
Yelp User Support

I'm sorry you're gay

It seems like everyone wants an apology nowadays. What for? Is it going to make you feel better? It's not. Your ancestors got their ass kicked a long time ago and an apology isn't going to reverse it. You can't reverse an ass being kicked. The best you can do is surrender and move on: like the Japanese.

Now here's a group of people you gotta respect. They realized their country was pretty lame and outdated so they went on a mission to develop their military. They did pretty well for awhile, kicked some ass and then got nuked, twice. Do you ever hear of Japanese people bitching about shit? Never. They just cleaned up all that nuclear fall out and started some really good automotive, electronic and appliance businesses. Not a damn word.

So your grandparents were slaves, so what? At least they got to work outside. I bet the weather was great. None of that stuck in a cubicle bullshit people have to put up with nowadays.

Your country was invaded by Germany? Japan? Rome? They took your resources, your bitches and made you learn their language? Why didn't your grandparents fight back? And if they did, why didn't they fight harder? Why did they give up? I'll tell you why, it's because your grandparents sucked. They sucked at fighting off the foreign invaders and they most likely sucked at life, too.

I do understand that apologies have it's place in society. For instance if you accidentally sleep with your friend's fiance, then yes, you should probably apologize. If you slept with her twice, then apologize twice.

It's when these liberal sissies demand apologies for past events that makes this whole thing ridiculous. I have an idea though. If these people who want apologies from countries that have commited these past injustices then the country who is apologizing should be able to apologize any way they want.

For example:

From Britain to India.

Dear former colony #37,

I would like to express my deepest regrets for what my ancestors did to your ancestors. It was quite a shame that you little weak people couldn't fight back. You had close to 500 million people back then, but you still couldn't cut it. What the fuck is wrong with you people? You won your independence a long time ago, but your country has not progressed. You still smell and you still worship the same cows. What the fuck is your problem?

Regards,

Great Britain

_______________________________________________

Or maybe this.

From United States to Mexico

Dear Mexicans,

It's been awhile hasn't it? Don't you miss California, Arizona and Texas? Yep, sorry about that. Although I think those states are better off being a part of the U.S, I still can't help but imagine what they would be like if we hadn't kicked your ass in the war and taken them away from you. Maybe they would have been a total shit whole like your entire country. I guess we'll never know.

p.s I'm sorry about your country's conditions, but stay the fuck out of ours.

Sincerely,
Some random jackass American

___________________________________________________


I think everyone should stop crying and maybe learn a little something from a small country like Romania. Romania has been bullied by everyone past and present. You don't hear, see or read about Romanians crying do you? I don't, but it's because there is no television, writing or internet in Romania. They don't even have electricity, what a piece of shit.

k

Why didn't Japan ally with France during the war?

k
I've noticed something about the French and Japanese. They're both small in stature, the men from both countries are pretty gay and their food doesn't fill you up.

Whenever I go to a Japanese restaurant (not that I ever would), I always have to order a lot more food. It's not because I'm a fat ass: because I am, it's because these fucking Japanese restaurants don't play fair. They know they can give you less and you'll put up with it because Japanese food is supposed to be an art. Well it's not art. It's not even food.

Now I know that Japanese eat more than just fish turd stuffed with rice; they also eat chicken, beef and other animals, too. This I can tolerate. I do like beef so that's what I usually order. The whole beef thing is fine, but leave it to the Japanese to fuck things up once again. Instead of just giving you your meal, they insist on doing some juggling tricks with it.

Here's what I'm talking about.





If you ever been in one of those trendy yuppie type Japanese restaurants then this scene looks all too familiar. The gentleman pictured above doesn't even look Japanese. He looks like a god damn Mongolian. What a rip.

Now when sitting down waiting for my child sized serving of Teriyaki beef, I can't help but think "what the hells this guys problem, why can't he just stop dicking around with the food and put it on my plate already"? When it comes to food I don't care much for presentation. Put it on a plate, put it in a bowl, serve it on a phonebook I don't care. I just don't want the chef to toss it around and have it land on his head before serving it to me. That's gross, especially since Mongolians don't wash their hair.

When it comes to French food, what you're really paying for is the entertainment. You get to be served by some jackass waiter who is originally from Kentucky. He'll come to your table dressed up in a tuxedo and try to pull his French 101 bullshit on you. Don't fall for it. This jackass isn't French. He isn't even European. I don't care if he's trying to pay his own way through college. That type of behavior is unacceptable.

There isn't much I can say about French food except it represents their country, culture and people as a whole. All presentation and no substance. You think those cute little fancy French cuisines can stand up to a 1/2 pound bratwurst? Not a chance. It was proven during the war.

So now you're in on the secret. You know that Japanese and French food is a total rip off and shouldn't be consumed. You now know never to go to these establishments unless you're super hungry. In that case, eat shit.

Picking the right numbers

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Mexican men are awesomer than American men

I was at this Mexican taco place for lunch. While waiting for my food I watched some Mexican TV show they had on. The thing about Mexicans is they don't try to be politically correct. You ever notice that in a lot of American type television shows or news stations they always have attractive girls? And they always try to make the girl look useful by giving her a few lines and have her speak her mind.

Not Mexicans. They don't screw around with details. They just put girls with big tits on the screen and have them dance around. I mean whats the point in trying to make them broads look useful? You think just because she says a few words about some current event or the economy men are going to respect her? No god damn way.

You ever stare at a girls tits when she walks by? And then her ass when she walks away? Sure you do, but you do it secretly because you're a sissy American. We think its rude to stare at a girl so we do it when she's not looking. Stare at her when she isn't looking, then when she looks over you hastely look away. You know, creep her out.

Mexicans are a bit different. They don't secretly look at girls. They don't half ass it. They stare at her 100%. You get a group of Mexican men together they'll hoot and holler at girls non stop construction site or no construction site. If they're drunk then one of them might even grab her ass. You gotta respect that.

What about alcohol? You ever heard a Mexican talk about drinking wine? How about a nice glass of 18 year old Scotch? I haven't. You know why? They don't drink that shit. They know that 18 year old Scotch only costs that much because some lameass guy at the distillery pissed it every single day for 18 years straight. You're paying for the time. You're paying for the labor. Mexicans know its a ripoff, they're onto their games.

They only drink beer. And I'm not talking about that Corona bullshit these sissy yuppy financial advisors drink when they want to explore cultural diversity. No I'm talking about real beer real Mexicans drink. Like Modelo or Tecate. You goto any respectable Mexican restaurant and try to order a Corona, the chef will fucking cut you. Thats it.